It’s no secret that I love love. My main goal in life, if I were only able to achieve one thing, would without a doubt be to fall in love. And while I know that such a thing may be unrealistic, I’d prefer to continue living in the dreamy bliss of it’s possibility. Not to suggest that this is a bad thing. I think that feeling as deeply as I do is a gift where it’s applicable, and only really a curse when I allow it to get in the way of living my life. When meeting new people for instance, I can, should I allow it to, let love blur the experience of building a relationship.
It’s like theres a metre of love right at the forefront of my brain, ‘0’ being nothing and ’10’ being the peak, and the whole goal is to get the person to 10 because once they’re there, I’ve achieved everything I’ve ever wanted in life. Therefore any meaningful moment I experience with that person is really only a means to an end. A way of increasing the metre.
Head check: I’m more than aware of this fact. I know that I want to be able to get to know multiple people throughout my life on an intimate level without actually expecting anything in return and I don’t believe that doing that in any aspect can be a waste of time.
What my metre has taught me is the opposite of what it symbolizes. love isn’t and should never be a means to an end. Rather it’s an experience. Being in a relationship with another person isn’t a title that comes with rules and added benefits. Labelling the connection that you have with someone as a “relationship” is the least important aspect of that experience, because that’s what it is- an experience , not a contract. To be jealous in the presence of that experience, especially with someone you love, only takes away from how beautiful it is. If you’re jealous, you’re not enjoying it and not taking full advantage.