The Word on Casual Sex

A stereotype of the University life style… ladies and gentlemen…please give a big welcome to…CASUAL SEX.

(Fine print): While yes it is a stereotype, casual sex is a not a requirement nor an applicable rule to the authentic university life.

How did I start having one night stands?

Two days out of a tormenting heart break I matched with guy on tinder that I had met in person the previous night. He wasn’t all that cute, but he was kind of funny and well, i’ve always liked funny. Plus I already knew he wasn’t a serial killer. So I invited him over at what must have been 11 at night and we talked for hours before I found the confidence to kiss him. All about seven minutes later it was over. Yes, the entire thing.

I refused to believe that all hookup sex would suck so I slept with another guy the next week. And you know what happened? It lasted too  long. 

I was the freaking Goldie locks of casual sex. Too hot, too cold. Too long, too short. Where’s my perfect medium? The first half of it at least, came in the form of a dishevelled hippy photography student who was really into going down on girls. Decent medium right? Unfortunately it got grim again after that.

(Following hookups):

  1. “Werewolf” (hairy and aggressive, need I say more?)
  2. “Double Dipper” (he kinda put it in, then he took it out and then he kinda put it in…and then he took it out).
  3. “Helicopter” (the man rotated me 360 degrees…several times)

Then finally the second half of my perfect medium: we’ll call him drill sergeant (ironically a guy who doesn’t like to go down on girls at all). For perspective, he went down on me for ten seconds and said ‘you should be honoured because I don’t usually do that’. Ah, excuse me? What did you do? Oral aside, the sex itself was pretty good. It was passionate and intense and best of all, actually fun. Fun meaning I smiled during it and I laughed without killing the entire mood.

Take note gents, laughter doesn’t have to be emasculating. And hey, I’m taking notes too don’t be offended. Goldie locks over here is trying to figure out the equation to a perfect one night stand. This is what I’ve deduced (at least for myself) so far.


I’ve yet to figure out the last 25%. Which is good, it leaves me with space for research.

Tonight for instance, as I was pondering going out, I told my friend that I want to look so ridiculously hot that it hurts somebody. Think sex with a boy I can kick out of my apartment at two in the morning. (research)


2 thoughts on “The Word on Casual Sex

  1. I think I have the answer to your last 25% question…
    That last 25% is comfort and familiarity (i.e.”yes I remember you liked that or remember when you did this”…) which can’t happen with a one night stand, for the obvious reasons.
    Therefore, I’ll conclude that one night stands can never be perfect (regarding sex).

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