The aim with my blog has always been to produce intimate and personal articles based on experience. I have all these odd experiences, even if just a conversation I had with someone, that I find incredibly interesting. Not only do I want to share these experiences, but I want to lay my ideas flat on a page where I can see them (that part is for me) and even more, I want to cultivate conversations around these topics. Such as sexual experiences, transition periods, revelations in personal growth, depression, and exploration to name a few. These are subjects of conversation that we can absorb into ourselves. Photosynthesis of information. When we talk about anything with anybody (especially strangers), we learn things we didn’t know before, gain different perspectives, acknowledge possibilities. I feel like I’ve achieved that with certain posts (‘To All The Girls That I’ve Let Down’ is a great example) but a lot of them have fallen flat in that aspect. I thought that I could more easily achieve that if I formatted my blog as a ‘sex blog’ , though it barely scrapes the surface of that category (here’s a website that tracks the best sex blogs if you’re interested: Kinkly). But it’s not so much about the topics of the articles as it is about the delivery.
The reason I thought that a sex blog would make it easier to achieve this is because sex appears as a subject that wants to be openly discussed but isn’t. We love hearing crazy sex stories from other people to validate our own weird kinks and experiences. I notice this the most when I talk to girls about masturbation (which has only occurred a handful of times in my life) and I think that’s because most girls will wait until someone else brings it up before they let themselves talk about their own experiences. (Safe guarding really). I actually had one of these conversations a couple weekends ago, having met up with a friend to drink and go out. I played ‘never have I ever’, the game where you start with ten hands and go around in a circle naming things you’ve never done before, trying to catch other people who have done that thing. If you’ve done it, you put a finger down and you keep going until you run out of fingers, which is considered ‘losing’. Usually people are bad at this game because they try only to expose things they already know someone has done and they don’t create dialogue around them. But one of the girls (5 of whom I had never met before) had never played and changed the course of the game by bringing her curiosity to the table. She genuinely wanted to know what people had done/ not done and what they thought of those things. Her turn came around, she said: “Never have I ever given myself an orgasm with my hands” and no one wanted to ask the obvious question. Even I was afraid to say the word out loud, but of course did and asked “wait, so you’ve never masturbated? At which point every one else in the circle added their surprise (consensus being they had all masturbated before). I’m really surprised when people say they haven’t to be honest. And so she clarified that she had, but in an “unconventional” way. So now I’m thinking ohhh, vibrators, duh, maybe even a dildo. Nope. She uses the heel of her foot. Now I’ve never done this (lol) so logistically I was curious. She said that she essentially sits on her foot. Which kind of explains her preference over fingers if she is trying to emulate riding someone/ something. As another friend pointed out to me, your foot heel would also cover more surface space. Prior she explained that her fingers had never brought her to climax. (I had a past roommate who dealt with this same issue and could only achieve an orgasm via a vibrator because it hurt too much to use her fingers). I also read through a couple medical journals to confirm this issue. The first, a Journal of Sexual Medicine from 2004, identifies Female Orgasmic Disorder (the persistent delay, reduced intensity or absence of orgasm following a normal sexual stimulus in sex or masturbation) as the “second most frequently reported women’s sexual problem”. Worse yet, according to Lisa Stern, a nurse practitioner cited in this Cosmopolitan article, “Female sexual dysfunction (FSD), which encompasses the inability to orgasm, is very common”—a problem that affects as high as 43 percent of women. Psychology Today reiterates that orgasmic problems can vary between 10 and 42, and that approximately 10 percent of women go their entire lifetime without experiencing an orgasm. So if it’s this hard for some girls to get off, it makes sense that they get innovative instead of giving up. The girl I played Never Have I Ever with called her foot method “unconventional”. Every one else who I’ve mentioned this too reacted in a more dramatic way; was actually grossed out. But it’s a perfect anecdote for the style of conversation that I’m trying to initiate—where I learn something new and deliver my understanding of it with personal experience, and opinions. Never have I ever masturbated with my foot, but who knows, maybe I’ll see how doable it is. Seriously, please engage in this game with me. What do you use to get off? What have your friends told you? What are you afraid/ apprehensive to try?